From Surviving to Leading: How Stacey Reed Turned Her Pain into Purpose

What if the very things you thought disqualified you from making an impact were the exact things that qualified you to lead?

In this deeply powerful episode of Her Purpose, Kindra sits down with transformational coach and founder of Impact Leadership Community, Stacey Reed. From growing up in an abusive household, to battling addiction, enduring a toxic marriage, and walking away from the business she built—Stacey’s journey is nothing short of remarkable.

But her story doesn’t end in the mess—it begins there.

Stacey shares how sobriety, transformational leadership training, and radical self-responsibility helped her step into the most aligned, powerful, and purposeful version of herself. With raw vulnerability, she opens up about the moment she stopped waiting for permission, started loving the woman in the mirror, and began coaching others to build 10/10 lives and relationships—starting from wherever they are.

Whether you're in the middle of a hard season or standing on the edge of reinvention, this conversation will remind you:
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to go first.

✨ Topics we cover:

• How Stacey found her purpose after hitting rock bottom
• Why healing your relationship with yourself is the foundation for everything
• What it means to be the uncontested author of your life
• Creating 10 out of 10 relationships—without waiting for others to change
• The power of community, leadership, and aligned action

🔔 Be sure to subscribe and share this with a woman who needs the reminder:
Your story matters. Your voice is needed. Your purpose is waiting.

Summary

In this conversation, Stacey Reed shares her transformative journey from a painful past to a fulfilling life as a coach. She discusses the importance of self-discovery, the power of intention, and the significance of building 10 out of 10 relationships. Stacey emphasizes that personal growth often comes from embracing the messiness of life and investing in oneself. She also highlights the value of community support and the need to give dignity to others while pursuing one's own vision.

Takeaways

Living in purpose is freeing and energizing.
Every mess has a silver lining if we look for it.
Pain serves as a wake-up call for transformation.
You can create a vision for your life and pursue it.
Building 10 out of 10 relationships requires commitment and self-love.
Investing in yourself is crucial for personal growth.
Your past experiences can become your greatest assets.
You are responsible for your own happiness and relationships.
Embrace the messiness of life as part of the journey.
You can achieve a 10 out of 10 life by being intentional.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background
05:21 Purpose and Career Path
05:22 Finding Purpose and Alignment
08:29 Catalysts for Change
11:21 Transformational Leadership Journey
14:21 Emerging as a Coach
17:21 Overcoming Naysayers and Self-Doubt
20:12 Creating a Vision for Life
23:21 Building Relationships and Trust
26:20 The Power of Intention and Responsibility
34:45 Transforming Relationships Through Self-Reflection
41:05 Embracing the Messiness of Life
44:15 Investing in Yourself for Transformation
45:36 Creating 10 out of 10 Relationships
47:57 Turning Pain into Purpose
51:01 Judgment vs. Curiosity: A Shift in Perspective
54:

Aligned & Ascending is an 8-week space where I help you get clear on your next step, your message, your offers—all of it—so you can stop second-guessing everything and actually build the purpose-driven business you’ve been thinking about.

So if you’re craving clarity and momentum—and a business that feels like you—DM me the word ALIGN on Instagram to get all the info.

Transcript

Kindra Morse (00:01)
So I'm just super curious, how does it feel every day to know that you're making an impact on a deeper level than just helping people with their businesses?

Stacey Reed (00:11)
it is like living in my purpose is so freeing. I had no idea how much energy I was expelling, being misaligned and not being in the flow and in my purpose that now it's like I have more time than ever before. I have more satisfaction than ever before. It's like, wow, this is wild. I was always told, get, find a vision, find a vision and

Kindra Morse (00:23)
Yeah.

Stacey Reed (00:40)
Once you have a vision, it's like, wow, you know, I wish I would have done it sooner.

Kindra Morse (00:46)
So how did you get there? What was the catalyst that helped you to find your vision?

Stacey Reed (00:51)
So first, the first thing was really recognizing how unsatisfied I was. And it started about six years ago, really, my transformation officially started a little over six years ago when I decided to get sober from alcohol. And it was this family legacy that internally I always knew, but because I wanted to be better then, that was the force that was driving me instead of my vision, instead of...

you know, this place of purpose. And so that was the catalyst. Enough was enough. I literally couldn't imagine another day, like continuing on the way that I was, and I couldn't imagine another day not continuing on. I was right square, like in the middle of it. And so I made a decision and in that year, that first year, I mean, I still was in this relationship that I wasn't happy in. I was in a...

career that I wasn't really happy in as well and I just continued to focus on myself focus on loving myself growing self development that once almost two years in I was recommended a transformational leadership course and So I did it thinking that I would help my business. I wasn't even

Kindra Morse (02:11)
And you're still in the prior business at this point. You're not in coaching.

Stacey Reed (02:15)
I'm not in coaching at all. In fact, I never even knew that there was coaching or wanted to be a coach. I had done business consulting. I was in marketing. I was an entrepreneur. But as far as coaching goes, I thought to myself, I'm surely not qualified to be a coach at all. And so I joined and decided to complete this leadership training. And I did not know it would be a complete overhaul on my entire life.

who I was being and then just change my trajectory forever in the best possible.

Kindra Morse (02:49)
So

I want to go back though, you had that decision, but what was going on in your world that caused you to make that decision? Was it a moment, a single experience, or did you just wake up one day thinking, this isn't how I'm supposed to be living my life?

Stacey Reed (03:08)
So, you know, it has to be like a power greater than myself, God. It was like this spiritual awakening because I was begging and begging, help me, I don't want to live like this, I don't want to be in this position over and over and then it's like one day I just had enough.

Kindra Morse (03:30)
And when

you say, I wanna dive into that, when you say in this position, financially were you in a good spot, but in your relationship or just in yourself, in your relationship to yourself or your relationship to somebody else?

Stacey Reed (03:42)
So

in particular myself, I looked in the mirror and I did not like who I saw. Not only from like a physical aspect, but I did not like the person that I was looking at. That's the whole reason why I quit drinking was because I just wanted to look in the mirror and like who I saw. I had never actually been in that position before. And so that was the catalyst for me was like, I really wanted to love myself. I wanted to have what I saw other people had. I had money.

I did have friends. All I had was one-sided relationships and toxic intimate relationships and this dissatisfaction in what my life was. This just mediocracy. I knew that I was meant for more. I knew I had the potential for more, but I just had no idea where to start.

Kindra Morse (04:39)
So you found this transformational leadership course. You think I'm taking this for myself. I'm not changing my business. I'm not changing my relationships. I just wanna work on me. How long was this course?

Stacey Reed (04:49)
So right before I started the course, I got a divorce. So just kind of stepped back for a second because it's like everything in the six years was so compacted and happened so fast that it's almost like my head was spinning. So I hit a year sober. And at that time, in the program of recovery, people say, if you allow God to do for you what you haven't been able to do for yourself, miracles will happen. And so I just focused on myself.

and I had no way, no idea how to get out of this. It's like I couldn't leave, I couldn't get away. And lucky for me, it ended up being the worst day of my life, but the best day of my life. This business that I was consulting for, it was my big client and I had let all my little clients go. Well, I brought in my husband at the time and long story short, he was doing some things he was not supposed to be doing.

and got caught and I walked away completely not knowing where I was, what I was going to do or anything, just trusting myself and yeah.

Kindra Morse (06:00)
So

this was your business or you both were working for somebody else's business?

Stacey Reed (06:06)
This was my consulting business that I brought him into.

Kindra Morse (06:10)
and

he basically got you fired from your one big client and you would already let go all your other clients. Wow, that was nice of him.

Stacey Reed (06:15)
Yes, yes.

Yes, I know right. But here's the thing, I always tell my clients that there's a silver lining and oftentimes if we allow ourselves to get uncomfortable and step in, it will look really messy. Like the gift will come in the worst wrapping paper known to man. And for me, I just knew.

Kindra Morse (06:21)
A worst day with the best day!

Stacey Reed (06:41)
Integrity was everything to me and I had been living out of alignment and out of integrity with myself that when this debacle happened I walked away. didn't know, I didn't have anything but I knew that I was starting to love myself. I was starting to look in the mirror and like who I saw.

Kindra Morse (06:59)
And what

things were you doing to get to that point? What daily habits, what rituals, what did you do to instill that or start that process?

Stacey Reed (07:10)
lucky for me, once again, I was exposed to the 12 step program and I live and breathe and love the 12 steps. And the 12 steps are something that anybody actually can work if they want to. You don't have to have a drinking problem or any kind of problem special to, you know, take part in them. And so I started looking at which I attribute the 12 steps and leadership. So leadership is like 12 steps on steroids. So I had

dabbled my foot in to this, these levels of responsibility, of self-examination, of cleaning up your own messes, of owning who you are and showing up with your head held high and, you know, standing for your greatness. And I started doing that one day at a time for an entire year until boom, this incident happened. I walked away and within seven days I was offered and found

my dream job at the time. So there's a floral business, a pretty substantially big one here where I live in Wyoming. And she saw how smart I was at marketing and who I was and just hired me right away. And so I spent three years smelling beautiful flowers, getting to be free and use my talents. And it was like,

one of the biggest gifts, she's an angel to me, that I could have ever hoped for. And during that time, always supported, her name is Melanie, and she always supported all of my dreams. And I said, I wanna do this leadership program. And it's gonna be, I it was like six months long. It was very extensive and intricate and.

I was supposed to go to San Diego in 2020 and I didn't even know how I was gonna afford it or how I was gonna do it, but I just signed up because I just knew that I had to figure this out. And luckily for me again, 2020 was COVID. And so they had to shift this entire leadership program online. It never had been done before, but I was one of the pioneers and the group of 77 of us.

who got to shift completely online for the first time. And what that did was prove that you could have a 10 out of 10 relationship and a connection with someone and you don't even have to be in the same space. And so I did it. And when I did, it literally catapulted my life.

Kindra Morse (09:46)
So.

I'm just curious, going into this program, did you have the vision for yourself of potentially doing this down the road as a business? Or even at that point, you did not see yourself as a coach, you just wanted to better yourself.

Stacey Reed (10:00)
Totally. I didn't, I never had seen myself as a coach. I was just working on loving who I saw in the mirror, let alone envisioning that I could stand for a transformed world or do anything that I'm currently in. So that just goes to show you don't have to know all of the ins and outs and the how to in order to get what you want. It's literally 90 % intention. So because I had this intention,

And because I was committed to it, the mechanism always appears. So you'll hear me say I was lucky. Really, I was generating the exact mechanism for me that would continue to offer me the direction that I wanted to go. So I took this course. And my gosh, was, it's like, reminds me of looking back to like high school where you remember the days and you're you're,

the friends that you made. It was like that for me. It changed everything. And it was really hard. It was really hard. And this was actually where I met Anthony. He was not on my radar at all. He was one of the 77. He lived in Los Angeles. I live in Wyoming. And I was newly divorced. So get this. I'm in this 12 year marriage. It's horrendous.

I, this incident will just say happens and I walk away and in Wyoming, as long as there's no contest to the divorce, you can get a 21 day divorce. So not only did I get no attorneys, no contest, I was able to get a 21 day divorce. He walked away, we don't share children together. Boom, out of my life, poof, 12 years, gone. It was like.

Kindra Morse (11:54)
Now was that something that you

wanted to do for a long time but were afraid to do or never wanted to do?

Stacey Reed (12:00)
Yeah, so I knew, you know, looking back in hindsight, I knew getting into this relationship, it was just so represented my past and traumas, but I was not cognizant of it. And so within the first year I knew I was in over my head, but I couldn't get out. Meaning I couldn't see how, I was so afraid of me and didn't like me and afraid of what people thought about me and...

Kindra Morse (12:13)
Right.

Stacey Reed (12:29)
just, it was so hard that I couldn't figure it out. And so there are many, many times I tried to leave. And in fact, I was secretly taking things from my house and storing them in my mom's garage because I was trying to plan a big escape before I even got sober. And so that's how scary and crazy it was. I just...

Kindra Morse (12:52)
but you kept

being drawn back in, fear took over, what caused you to not make that move that you knew you needed to make?

Stacey Reed (13:00)
Yeah, so when you're in an environment that you're being groomed. So I grew up in a household with an alcoholic and it was abusive, sexually, physically, mentally, all of that. So I just recreated that in me. Yep, I just recreated it. so I was being groomed. This man was 14 years older than me. You know, I had small children at the time that we got together. So I was terrified and I was just always be, and this is not,

Kindra Morse (13:15)
That's what we do.

Stacey Reed (13:29)
By any means saying that I'm not responsible for the decisions I made but I was just a walking wound and just recreating it because you know most of everything in our life if we're not intentional and conscious it's subconscious and and we just recreate it and that's why we get in these loops and have these patterns and so identifying that was a Game-changer in itself. And so I was stuck. I was just

stuck

Kindra Morse (14:00)
just wanna interrupt and clarify because this is not victim blaming. This is not saying you deserve what you're experiencing in saying that you were responsible, that you played a part. And I know you know this. I wanted to share this for the listener that maybe in that situation and that recreating is that we feel comfortable in those environments and we recreate them because we feel that's what we deserve. That's all we know. Knowing, being some...

in a different type of a relationship, we don't even know what that would look like if that's how you grew up. So you're not responsible in the sense that you deserved it, but you are empowered to know that you're responsible for changing that pattern, that belief, the things that you are telling yourself, that part. So expand on that a little bit. I think that's so empowering for people to understand you didn't deserve it. You are responsible.

Stacey Reed (14:51)
Absolutely never.

Right, like never deserved any of it, right? And yet I'm not entitled to a healthy, happy, loving relationship. I'm actually the uncontested author, the creator of it. I never knew that. I was always looking for a savior, for somebody to fix me. I'm broken. And so when you walk into the room as the token broken, like martyr, then your results will equal that. And so it took what it took.

for me to wake up, I always say like, pain is not a punishment. I didn't deserve it, but it is a wake up call. And I finally was like, what am I being woken up to so that I can shift it in me so that my experience will change and boy does it. So that's why I like to tell people, even if you messed up, even if you don't know, as long as you have the willingness and the intention, it doesn't take long.

to go from one area all the way to your dream. It doesn't take a long time.

Kindra Morse (15:52)
So how did that transition happen where you realized, okay, I meant for way more than working at the flower shop, even though I love it and I enjoy it, how did you wake up to coaching as your purpose?

Stacey Reed (15:59)
Mm-hmm.

Yes, I love this story because it's so good. So I graduated from Transformation Leadership Training and then you have an opportunity to come back in and be of service. And so I went in and I volunteered and I was having a blast and Anthony actually volunteered at the same time. And it's kind of funny because that's where we really started to develop our relationship. But as I was giving and being of service,

somebody in there, one of my students, saw something in me that I hadn't yet seen in myself. And so after graduation, we signed a contract that we can't exchange money for at least a year after with students. And so he reached out and said, hey, will you coach my what is estranged now wife and do couples coaching? And I thought to myself,

Whoa, I am not qualified if you only knew but yeah Yes, he saw something. Thank God and I said well, we can't exchange you know monies so if you can come up with a way that I can be compensated that seems fair then I'd be happy to and he said do you want airline miles I said I do because I was see I wanted So it was so great and so I jumped in and this individual

Kindra Morse (17:07)
Imposter syndrome.

I wanna go see Anthony.

Stacey Reed (17:33)
They're in Canada, which is really cool too, because a lot of my clients, I get to visit Canada and visit them. so I started and from then to now, they are happily married. They have a beautiful family. have a miracle baby. Like, and all my business and referrals were given from that one couple.

Kindra Morse (17:47)
so you-

What?

When you started with them, they were at that point estranged.

Stacey Reed (18:00)
She actually took her cat and moved to Costa Rica and said, no, they weren't even speaking. he, like this man, his name is Jerry, he's amazing. He just had this vision and he was not letting go of this woman and what he wanted. And he'd just been through transformation and she actually enrolled him in it. She'd been in it too, which is even more beautiful. And so I enrolled her and him.

Kindra Morse (18:05)
my gosh.

Wow.

Stacey Reed (18:27)
into what it would look like and they showed up every week consistently and we made it work. We made it happen.

Kindra Morse (18:35)
So when you say, who am I to do this? How did you move past those imposter syndrome thoughts to step into being able to enroll them in the vision that you also saw for them?

Stacey Reed (18:47)
Right, so the first thing is have your own vision. And I was told this by mentor Stacey, be connected to your vision, be connected to your vision. thinking, how do you get one? I mean, what vision for your life? Like how, how do you get a vision? And for me, I, it was so funny because I had this little journal and I hadn't used it yet. And I opened it one evening and it was all about how to create your vision. And it gave you the step.

work, which I still use today and give to clients of how to actually start and create a vision. So I started and the vision that I still have, which stands the test of time is my vision is to support others with joy through the 12 steps in leadership in dispelling their expired beliefs that they have about themselves and others. And so everything I do and everything I be comes from that vision. And I wasn't even in that place when I created it.

But once you have a vision, everything starts aligning to it. So if it matches my vision, I say yes. If it doesn't, I say no, thank you. And so that matched my vision. And so I jumped in, and since then, they referred and their referrals referred because here's the thing about credentials or anything, people want results. So with results like mine, who needs the credentials when you start?

Kindra Morse (20:10)
No one gets a vision and already is the person that can fulfill that vision, right? You get this vision and you see your purpose, then you have to become the person that can create that reality. So speak to that process of courage and stepping into becoming that person every day in little ways.

Stacey Reed (20:16)
Thank you.

Yes, so how it started

was I started to ask myself, who am I? And I picked the stretchiest, hardest three ways of being that I could think of, which is trusting, loving, committed. And I started every morning with I'm committed to creating love, trust, and commitment to myself. And the prices that I'm willing to pay is looking bad, being wrong.

being ignored, being abandoned, all of the things that I was desperately scared of before, I was just willing to offer them up now. Because what you resist persists. And I did not want any more persisting in those departments. And so for 30 days, 60 days, a year, every single morning, I was connected to what I'm committed to creating and the prices I'm willing to pay. And every single morning I did that, and in the evening I would check, did I create that?

Some days I did, some days I didn't. Some days I paid prices, some days I didn't, but I was tracking and looking at when did I fall out of loving me again? When did I fall out of trusting me again? When did I sell out on myself and no longer become committed to myself and my vision? And so I course corrected every day, one day at a time, because that's all we have. And I just put one foot in front of the other. And before you know it, I always tell clients, do this.

For 30 days, your entire life will change. It will change. It has to change because it's 90 % intention. Whenever we have an intention, the mechanism will appear and you will get the results. It's 100 % guaranteed.

Kindra Morse (22:10)
Did you have naysayers or people along the way that were saying to you, who are you to coach people on marriage and 10 out of 10 relationships?

Stacey Reed (22:18)
Now

keep in mind I had spent 22 years drinking and towards the end I was drinking quite a bit because I was hiding and and not wanting to look at who I was and what you know being responsible for my life so there you know 22 years of drinking can make a skeptic out of anyone and I'm sure that people looked and thought wow okay you know maybe crazy but really my biggest naysayer

It was my mom because he, my mom is...

Kindra Morse (22:51)
that like breaks my heart. That's, go ahead.

Stacey Reed (22:53)
I know. Yes,

and which is another blessing in disguise because my mom has always operated, it's a family legacy of fear. And so my mom thought if I give her all my fears and I show her everything to be afraid of, then that'll keep her safe. But the thing about fears, if you don't have one and I have one and I share mine with yours, now we've doubled it. And before you know, we're just spreading fear.

Kindra Morse (22:59)
Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Stacey Reed (23:22)
And so I came from that and that was the legacy that I had to break. And so my biggest naysayer at first was it's like, how is that possible? You your life doesn't look perfect. You know, everything is not shiny. So how dare you, how can you do this? But not from a place of malice, but from a place of love because she wanted to keep me safe, right? I always tell this story. It's one of my favorites and.

But it was this pivotal moment where I have two little Chihuahua rescue dogs. They're terribly behaved. Terribly behaved. I'm not a dog person. Figured that out the hard way. And my mom came to visit. And keep in mind, I was still new to developing this 10 out of 10 relationship with her. Now it's like, beyond my wildest dreams, beautiful. But in the beginning, it was hard. And so she came to visit. And you know.

Kindra Morse (24:10)
Mmm.

Stacey Reed (24:15)
There was so many feelings and things that I got to clear up and really stand for who I am and enroll her in this version of me Because it's my responsibility to enroll people in this is me. This is what you can expect This is what you can count on and I hadn't done that before and so she comes in She like comes in, know flies in spends the night Wakes up in the morning. She wakes up before me and my dogs like there it was snowy or rainy out and my dogs had

on the floor and she covers it up with a little Kleenex napkin and you know she has this like pursed lip face and she said you need to take care of that in the kitchen and I was like what and she's like your dogs pooped on the floor and I'm like okay and she goes all I know she basically alluded to nobody if anyone knew that you let your dogs poop on your floor they would not want to be coached by you

moment I felt like that little girl again I was like here I am again I knew it and I stopped for a moment and this is why it's so important to condition yourself so that you're ready when life lights you is I had the tools in the armor I was like I am a loving trusting committed woman period and it doesn't matter if a dog poops on my floor or my neighbor doesn't like me I know who I am I know what I'm capable of and I'm going to

Kindra Morse (25:18)
Yeah.

Stacey Reed (25:44)
enroll her in this. So in that moment I said, Mom, I'm going to pick up the poop and we're going to go through it figuratively and literally I'll meet you on the couch. And in that moment I sat down with her and I had an opportunity to clear and enroll her in this version of me. And then I just got to show up consistently and there you go. Now, I mean, our relationship is beyond my wildest dreams.

Kindra Morse (26:02)
That is...

That is so beautiful and speaks so strongly to the fact that you don't need anyone to change to live the life of your dreams. Everyone else can stay exactly as they are. You don't need them to be any different.

Stacey Reed (26:21)
No, and you know, it's funny you say that because I have an almost 18 year old, almost 22 year old, and my three year old on purpose, right? But my older boy's dad, you know, he hasn't changed a bit, nor does he have to. And we had a decade of mediation, only speaking through email. It was awful actually. And...

Kindra Morse (26:28)
Me too!

Stacey Reed (26:49)
Now, I mean, we have a 10 out of 10. We'll be celebrating our 18 year old's graduation in the backyard here in just a month or two together. However, he hasn't changed a bit. But why is it now every like we can have amazing co-parenting and relationship because I'm different, because I'm choosing to be different. That man is the same. I am different. I am the uncontested author. And so you can, you can take something. I mean,

Prior to this leadership training, we were going through mediation for the hundredth time and only spoke for the last five years, third party emails. And now, mean, we just, my 22 year old graduated with a triple bachelor's and I was with my ex-in-laws hanging out and it was beautiful.

Kindra Morse (27:38)
So give me an example for the listener that is thinking, don't understand, I'm not tracking. How is he not changed? yet you have, like, does that mean you've become a doormat? I know those are stories the listener's thinking. So tell me, give me an example of how it feels for you and how it's different for you, even though it's not different for him.

Stacey Reed (28:00)
Right, so whatever we transmit, we get. And because I was always transmitting this, don't love myself, something's wrong with me, nobody's gonna get me vibe, then I always got that. And so once I stepped into this 10 out of 10 relationship, so like I like who I'm seeing in the mirror, I'm showing up consistently for myself, I'm clearing. So it's important that people...

Understand that when you make a mess like when I decided to not show up as a ten out of ten one I didn't know how but I still doesn't negate my responsibility that I have a responsibility to go in and enroll people and and clean up my mess so I had an opportunity with my ex to you know clear my side and I do what I wasn't worried about him or because I know who I am and and the power of who I'm being and so I cleared that and

I have yet to have somebody not receive it well. When you show up responsible, like, hey, I want to acknowledge the fact that I have not always spoke kindly of you. What was more important to me was being right and being heard. And the price that you pay is, you know, we don't trust each other. The price I pay is we have a dysfunctional relationship. But moving forward, you can count on me to be this woman, to have...

conversations with you, to be kind, to be tolerant, and then it's my job to hold up my end of the bargain. So I did that, and then I held up my end of the bargain, and that changes everything. You know, he's the same guy, and what I realized is maybe my stories weren't all right about this person. Maybe because I was looking out of the eyes of somebody who didn't love themselves that my view was distorted. Maybe because I was showing up in all this fear that it...

Kindra Morse (29:41)
Yeah, right.

Stacey Reed (29:52)
convoluted my ability to hear things the way they were actually being said to me.

Kindra Morse (30:00)
Absolutely. And how has that impacted the relationship that you have with your kids?

Stacey Reed (30:05)
like still a work in progress, right? Because especially with my oldest, and I mean boys at that age, I can only imagine, I've never been a teenage boy that I know of, but I could imagine, know? But it's like, here's the thing is it doesn't matter when or if someone else chooses or shifts, it only matters that I'm committed to a lifelong commitment of this.

when I tell somebody they can count on me for this or that, I mean what I say. And if I make a mistake, I immediately own it and clean it up and I recalibrate and I shift. so for them, I mean, it's beyond my wildest dreams because I just made a commitment. It's literally, it's a commitment. I used to think I wasn't multifaceted, I thought. I thought if I was in overwhelm or

If I felt pressure, I'm out. I give up. I can't do it. I'm too stupid. Something like that. Now I realize we are multifaceted. I can be scared shitless and committed. I can be devastated and committed. I can be beyond excited and not focused and committed. Committed is a choice. And so today I like, I get up and I commit.

Kindra Morse (31:11)
I'm going to

Stacey Reed (31:32)
And I choose because I choose, not because my mom said so, because my ex thinks this. I don't choose because of anything outside of me. I choose because I choose.

Kindra Morse (31:44)
Absolutely, that's amazing. When did you have the breakthrough with the business that you knew this was the path? At what point in your journey did you know this is right?

Stacey Reed (31:54)
Okay, so I meet this couple, I start coaching and Anthony and I, it was like a whirlwind. I knew I wanted to have more children. I just didn't think it was possible at the time. He had never been married, wanted a child. I was like, woohoo. So I had just turned 40, tick tock, know, let's get going. I thought was gonna take longer than it did. It didn't take long at all. And I ended up having my...

Kindra Morse (32:15)
Yeah.

Stacey Reed (32:21)
like dream birth at home, all natural at 41 years old, which I'm very proud of because I designed it the way that I wanted to have it. it was like, you know, most people when they have a baby, it's like they lose all this time or they're overwhelmed. It's like for me, I had an abundance of time because I made that decision with Melanie who owned the flower shop. I said, I'm going to bet it all on me and I'm going to,

train the next person. And I was also doing some coaching for a gal, breathwork coach out of Reno, just on the side. And so I had like, I always have like three avenues of income. So I was really

Kindra Morse (33:06)
want to clarify, so your business consulting background was more on the marketing side is what I'm understanding.

Stacey Reed (33:13)
Business and marketing, yep. It was almost like Bar Rescue where I would see small business owners usually miss the wave of social media marketing and technology and so they just, they were getting taken advantage of. I would come in, do a sweep, clean it up and then connect them with individuals that had integrity and so they were off and running. That was really what I did over and over again, yeah.

Kindra Morse (33:36)
which

is a lot more tactical than what you do now.

Stacey Reed (33:39)
Yes, yes, yes. So, told her and then I told the coach that I was coaching for in Reno, said, I'm gonna go all in on my business. I'm gonna jump all the way out of my comfort zone and I'm gonna bet on myself. And I'll keep in mind, my baby was like seven days old.

Kindra Morse (33:42)
So when you, go ahead, when you bet on yourself, that's.

Stacey Reed (34:02)
So I was like, here we go. And because I knew as a seasoned mom, knew that first year is the easiest year. When you're breastfeeding. Yeah, so I literally, you would be like this and you wouldn't even know that I was feeding him and he was sleeping and I'm coaching.

Kindra Morse (34:12)
Yeah, they don't move.

Were you scared? Were you scared when you bet on yourself? Or were you 100 % confident?

Stacey Reed (34:23)
I'm terrified.

I was shaking afraid, but it's like I prayed and I was like, okay, God, can you do this again for me? Can you do for me what I haven't been able to do for myself if I just bet on myself? And if I just have 100 % certainty and trust that you'll catch me. And every time I do that, boom, but I'm telling you, it's terrifying. You have to do it afraid. You just have to do it afraid. So I do everything afraid.

Kindra Morse (34:38)
Mm.

Stacey Reed (34:51)
I do it all afraid. And I just, and I went in and it's like, I hustled. I showed up. I put myself out there. I allowed all the referrals to come in. I, you know, I grew and I stretched and I joined a mastermind with Garen Jones that changed my life. And I like, I turned myself inside out over and over and over again. And I live and breathe this work. And so that, that's what it did. It changed me.

It had me showing up being the kind of woman that runs her own company, being the kind of woman that starts a transformational leadership community.

Kindra Morse (35:29)
Yeah, speak to the woman that's listening thinking that her journey not being perfect and shiny is the reason she can't create the life of her dreams. 10 out of 10 relationships, 10 out of 10 business. Speak to her and how that is a lie.

Stacey Reed (35:44)
Right, it is absolutely a lie because I wasn't willing to be messy before. I wasn't willing to let you see me look terrible, right? And being said, I was a new mom again, I'm not looking great. But here's the thing, I just became honest and transparent and my authentic self just came forward. And I started generating and sourcing clients that were old midwives.

Kindra Morse (35:49)
Mm.

Stacey Reed (36:08)
Retired midwives were coming like because I was that's the vibe I was putting out and just women empowerment and stepping into it And so I was attracting all of these clients that are super powerful women that wanted to have a 10 out of 10 relationship So the fact that I would say hey, there's a chance that soul would wake up or I need please go right ahead In fact, they encouraged me to so I just kept generating support after support after support because I was willing to say

I'm gonna be messy here. We might have to reschedule this if you're open to that. But I just put it all out there. Everybody showed up for me because I was showing up for myself.

Kindra Morse (36:49)
my gosh, that's amazing. Are there any, I know the transformational, we talk about books all the time on this podcast and what book, the transformational leadership type programs, which I have also had some experience with, are so much far beyond anything that you'll read in a book, but are there books and resources that you feel have also helped you in your journey?

Stacey Reed (37:10)
Yeah, so I have my core mentors and I'm very fortunate that now I work really with them and they come into the community and train our community, which is like mind blowing to me because sitting in this transformational like training, thinking one day that my mentors would pick us and work exclusively with us was like never on my radar. But Michael Strasner happens to be one of them and he has Living on the Skinny Branches, his book like

Kindra Morse (37:35)
He's amazing.

Stacey Reed (37:40)
Go ahead, try to live on the skinny branches. Commit to it. It's wild, it's fun. So I love his resources. Lisa Kalman, Judith Rich, Lynn Sheridan, those are the top four. They all are published authors. I have all their books. I love them. They really started that foundation. And then Garen Jones's book too. mean, he runs off the philosophy that...

It's like, change your mindset, change your life. That's the name of his book. And all of those mentors and all of those books, I highly recommend.

Kindra Morse (38:18)
It's interesting. We think that we see people that are living their life in an inspiring way and we think they must have something or know something that we don't. They must be more skilled. They must have talents that I don't have. And I'll never forget being in a coaching program with Michael Strasner and having him say, I coached Lewis Howes. My mind was blown. I thought, wait, I'm getting coaching from the same person that at some point Lewis Howes felt he needed coaching from? Why am I thinking that?

can't do big things like he has. It's just an interesting thing when I guess speak to investing in yourself and investing in your growth. How has that transformed your life?

Stacey Reed (38:54)
Yes.

So it's all about, say your number with yourself, right? So I alluded to the fact that I spent most of my life, would say a four out of 10. So the results, the relationships and the life I had was a four. Nothing wrong with being a four. In fact, my value wasn't less at all. It's like, I attribute it to this like tall 10 story building where the first floor and the 10th floor have the same address.

But when you look out the window, completely different experience. Being in the 10th house penthouse, it costs more. There's more responsibility to it. You gotta show up differently in order to live there. And that's what it is with your number with yourself. And so that's the differences, just being interested and willing and curious about what is it like to live on the 10th floor, essentially. What's it like to be a 10 out of 10?

woman and it's individual. So my 10 looks different maybe than your 10 but that's because I'm the uncontested author. So it's really like defining what's a 10 out of 10 for me and then when you reach it then you get to go to another level like redefine your 10. I'm in the process of redefining my 10 with myself.

Kindra Morse (40:14)
Yeah, I wanna

hear about some of your 10 out 10 life experiences that you've experienced at this point up to this now.

Stacey Reed (40:22)
Yeah, so one of the biggest ones is all of the Canadians that I have the pleasure of coaching and I'd never I hadn't been out of the country for a long time and you know new baby and we had we all had to get passports do all the things and even last year in 2024 Anthony and I went to five or six different states a whole nother country we did so much traveling with a two-year-old

Right? Like so many times people say you can't travel with a two year old. can't travel. Like there's so many limiting beliefs and it's like we traveled everywhere. We did all the things and this is how wild it is. So I, we get to Canada and I end up generating because my relationships are 10 out of 10. One of my clients, her name is Heather. She's beautiful. She said, would you like, she offered her $2 million condo. Have at it.

Just stay there, I'm gonna be visiting my daughter. And I'm like, wow, the old me could never accept that. To say, okay, thank you, thank you so much. And I said, wow, thank you. That original couple, Jerry and Barbara, said, we have an additional vehicle. Why don't you just have it? It was a Range Rover.

Okay, so now all of a sudden, this girl from Casper, Wyoming is driving a Range Rover in a two million dollar condo in Canada. Like that's the 10 out 10. Like anywhere I go, when I show up, I'm walking into a room as the creator of the experience. I'm not saying that that's there for me. And so I generate it. Relationships are currency. If you want to be rich, have 10 out of 10 relationship with yourself and others.

Kindra Morse (42:08)
Absolutely. I want to know, listening to your story and hearing about some of the things that you've been through and knowing that you coach people on having 10 out of 10 marriages and how your, what you grew up seeing as marriage was, maybe speak a little bit to what you saw, because you haven't expanded a ton on what you saw besides your dad was an alcoholic, but how that is the literal, what you grew up with.

And what you experienced up until the last six years were the literal opposite of what you're creating. So I want to hear you share about how people can take their mess and make that their message. Because it's obvious that you're wanting to heal other people's lives in the way that you saw the most damage growing up or had the most destruction.

Stacey Reed (42:41)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, how

better to know what you want than look at what you don't want that's right in front of your face. Because a lot of times people here say, what do you want? They're like, draw a blank. Well, look at what you don't want and then go the opposite direction. It's pretty easy, right? So growing up, once again, it's this family legacy of women, my grandma, my mother, maybe my great grandma for all I know, chose men that

didn't value them. And then they didn't value themselves and they became a victim to it. And it was always this, know, my values on the outside of me. I always tell people, you know, you're not a used car that starts depreciating. It's like, look at yourself. when, look at a little picture of yourself and ask yourself, when did I stop, start losing my value? Three years old when I didn't put a bag back in the trash?

Like, was it five years old when somebody looked at me and told me I was ugly? Is that when you started depreciating? Because the answer is no. We would never look at a baby and say, ew, what a time suck. That, you know, it has no value. But yet we do that to ourselves. And so growing up, you know, I come from this legacy of it's almost like man haters because the man did you wrong, then you have full authority to hate them. And it just wasn't aligned with me, but I

It was like it was everywhere. And so for me, I wanted different and going through and utilizing all the tools, that's how I started to develop it. But when it comes to looking back, you know, my experience is my greatest asset. I never thought all the shit that I had been through would then turn around and I could utilize every facet of it to not only build trust,

with somebody else who's in the same mess that I was, but also know how to actually get out of it because I did it. And so now it's like, how could I hate my past? How could I wish it different when I use every bit of it as, you know, my greatest asset?

Kindra Morse (45:13)
Absolutely. I think that it's so easy to think that because of the mess of our past, who are we? Because we think that the people that are making a difference in the world in these different ways had it perfect. And yet that's exactly the key to creating the life that you want to create. The impact, the legacy that you want to leave, it's tied exactly to your darkest moment in your life. It's tied to that.

Stacey Reed (45:40)
And you know, one thing that's big is I was very judgy. So come from a long line of judgy women. judgment, and I thought judgment kept me safe. Basically, that's what I was told. And so I judged myself harshly and I judged everybody else harshly. Whenever you're in judgment, you take yourself out of being able to be of influence. So I had no influence on anyone. It wasn't until I took a good look at my self-righteousness.

my judgment and I shifted it to curiosity and I was willing to drop it, now I could be of influence. And so I just trust that people see my authentic self and that they understand that I am showing up and my intention is to support them. And because I come from that place, unanimously, that's all I receive. So I don't worry about, now I have, you know, a little bit of time behind me, but I don't worry about...

people places and things so at this point where I'm at I still have all the same normal life stuff that life's me, but I I Shift quickly so what used to take me out for years now can take me out for a minute two minutes because I have the power to choose and And that's everything that's freedom

Kindra Morse (47:00)
It's interesting how we are judgmental and we don't realize that that's really rooted in us being judgmental of ourselves. If we're judgmental toward the outside world, we're probably 10 times more judgmental towards ourselves. And it's in giving ourselves grace and not being judgmental towards ourselves that we're able to give compassion to others.

Stacey Reed (47:08)
Thank you.

Absolutely, I know, I judged my mom. I really did Because I wanted to be better than that's what got me into a lot of trouble is I thought the way out Was to be better than so showing up with this chip on my shoulder. I'm gonna be better than my dad I'm gonna be better than my mom does not get you better than it gets you the same It you know what you resist will persist and so I got an opportunity to change being better than

to being loving, unconditionally loving, to being tolerant, to being the author of my life, to utilizing forgiveness and looking and allowing people to love me and to see them. So now when I hear my mom, she hasn't changed a bit either, but the person that I hear now is.

the true authentic version because I'm my true authentic version. And I know that when she shows up like afraid or, you know, in judgment that she's coming from a loving place and I'm no longer afraid. And so all she's ever wanted is to know that she matters. And now I have the wherewithal to say you matter and I mean it and show up consistently. And I get to do that for everyone. Why? Because I do that for myself.

Kindra Morse (48:26)
Yeah.

Stacey Reed (48:42)
first thing. If I skip, it does not turn out well for anyone else either.

Kindra Morse (48:44)
that's amazing.

Speak to that too. my gosh. There's so many people that struggle with people not being supportive and thinking that's a reflection of what they're capable of doing and reframing that to they're trying to keep you safe. They're trying to protect you. That brings so much peace. And what unlocked that for you? Just loving yourself? Just the programs? Or was there anything specific?

Stacey Reed (49:16)
Well, yeah, it was really loving myself, but also, I'll use my dad as an example. So how do you have a 10 out of 10 relationship with somebody who hurt you the most? And that was really tricky. So when I first got sober, I hadn't had all my memories back, and he was not well. Yep, he was not well, and I didn't know, I didn't have all my memories until...

Kindra Morse (49:37)
Now he sexually assaulted you.

Stacey Reed (49:44)
about a year and a half into getting sober. And so I'm about six, I'm about four months sober and he lives in the same town as I do. And so I was visiting because I'd heard he was really unwell and he was wanting me to take him to get alcohol and everything was just falling apart and I was in self-preservation. And at first I took it personal, like, don't you care?

Like I'm suffering here and you're wanting to put me in jeopardy. You know, I became a victim to it again. And fortunately for me, I was surrounding myself with people that were in a place that I wanted to be in. So after a meeting, I stopped and I was talking to this guy and I was telling him about my situation and he said one of the most profound things that sticks with me is like, you know, sometimes you gotta give people the dignity to live the way that they want. And because I always wished for people to be different,

which is not love by the way, and I always wanted something to change, that that was my problem. I wasn't in acceptance and surrender and giving people the dignity to live the way that they wanted. So at that point I went back to my dad and I said, you really want to live this way? And he said, yes. And so I got an opportunity to accept that and that's not for me. And so I said, you know, if you ever want something different, let me know. He does not. He's still alive today. He doesn't want anything different.

Kindra Morse (50:42)
Yeah.

Stacey Reed (51:09)
So a 10 out of 10 is loving somebody enough and giving them the dignity to live the way that they want and then passing on it. It doesn't fit my vision. And so that's what a 10 out 10 looks like with some of the hardest people in my life.

Kindra Morse (51:24)
When we know we want that for ourselves, right? We know we want others to give us the dignity to live out the lives that we wanna live in the way that we wanna live them. But yet we don't realize that we're not giving that to others because it doesn't fit in the box that we think it should be.

Stacey Reed (51:39)
Right, yeah, it's like really understanding what is my business and what isn't. And it's like anything from, what do they say, from here back is my business, anything out is not. And I was not minding my business anywhere. I thought because you were related to me, that that gave me, you know, I could just jump right in to what you had going on. Yeah, fix fix, martyr, all the things. And it's like, no, just look inward, start here.

Kindra Morse (52:01)
Thanks.

Stacey Reed (52:08)
I'm the most valuable player on my team. And really, of the big takeaways I got from working with Garen was to tap into that higher version of myself. And turns out everyone has a higher version, even my dad. At first, you know, I thought, well, not him, he doesn't, but everyone has a higher self. And he asked me once, he said, if your higher self was talking to your dad's higher self.

what would he be saying to you? And that was really hard because I did not see him in that way. But I allowed myself to see his best version. And when I was being groomed when I was little, one of the things he said over and over again is he would ask me hundreds of times a day, who's your best friend? Who's your best friend? Because if I said you, dad, then that kept me tied to him and I wouldn't say what was going on behind the scenes.

And I was four or five, I had no idea. And so right then my idea of love and best friendship was very much skewed and very much tainted. And so I developed that and carried that with me my whole life. But when I tapped into what would my higher self tapping into his want me to know, immediately I heard, your own best friend.

What would your life look like if you were just your own best friend? And I was like, wow, my whole life would look so different if I showed up instead of being like, will you be my best friend? Will you be nice to me? Will you help me? Will you change my life? Will you fix me? And I started showing up being my own best friend. It was like, everything changed.

Kindra Morse (53:49)
my gosh, that's amazing. What are you working on next? What are your next big 10 out of 10 life goals and projects that you're excited about?

Stacey Reed (53:59)
Yes, so kind of an empty nester. So my older boys are off to college very, very soon and we have Sol and he's three years old. And so Anthony and I can go anywhere we want whenever we want. So the next step is like, do we want Wyoming to be our home base? Do we wanna get an RV and travel? Do we wanna get a secondary home? Do I wanna move to Cal, or not California, but Canada? Like what do I want?

And so we're in that phase of I'm open to the next steps, right? And I'm going to be the kind of woman that gets to uncover that, which is scary, but also thrilling. And then we're actively growing our community. One thing I realized about transformational work is you go in, it's like you rip the bandaid off, you're looking at it, and then you start kind of cleaning it up, but then you go out in the world again and life likes you. you don't have, unless you're...

Kindra Morse (54:54)
Yeah.

Stacey Reed (54:57)
like I was, which was like, got to figure this out right away. Most people go back to the drift. They go back to the same old, same old, because it's really enticing to be in that comfort zone. And so I developed with Anthony a community where you can't. So there's a two day intensive, right? And like you rip the bandaid off, you look at everything and then you have a community and you have people.

like Michael Strazner right by your side who won't allow you to flail. You still get to experience your experience, but now you have that support. And so that's what I wanted. That's what Anthony wanted. And so don't wait for somebody to give it to you. Go out and create it. So we created what we wanted and now we're offering it to people who want to live a life of abundance.

Kindra Morse (55:37)
I'm sorry.

Stacey Reed (55:50)
to live a 10 out of 10 life to be on the skinny branches.

Kindra Morse (55:55)
That's amazing. What is the best advice that you've ever received that's been transformational?

Stacey Reed (56:01)
man, I have received so much advice, but the one that's that sinks in the most is I grew up in a dance studio and I had a tumbling teacher. Her name is Dorothy. And, you know, I was surrounded by so many angels that that really showed up for me as I look in my life. And she had a sign on the wall that said, never say can't.

And as a kid, okay, you know, you look and you're like, can't say can't, but really that's where it started. Like she instilled that words plant seeds, words matter, mindset is everything. And whatever you speak and say, you plant the seed, will grow. So I shifted all of that for myself. Instead of I need, it's a get to. I get to go to work. It's amazing how that changes everything.

And so there's little simple things that we can shift with how we're speaking, how we're thinking about ourselves. And so, I mean, Never Say Can't is a great one.

Kindra Morse (57:07)
What is, yes, I love that. The word justice, disempowering. There are so many things that we say to ourselves that are so different. Yeah. Shoulding. Yeah. You're shoulding all over yourself. Every time you say I should, you're shoulding all over yourself. Just think about that. What is one thing that you wish people knew better about you and your life experience?

Stacey Reed (57:13)
right footing.

Very good.

Yes!

Oh

man, that they would know about me. That I care so deeply and that I am for the collective and that I really am a stand for freedom and that I believe I call myself Captain Freedom because anybody can come from where I came from

anyone can do it. Anyone can do it. I am not special or unique. Luckily, we call it terminally unique. I am not terminally unique anymore. I am just like everyone else. And you know, if you have a desire, you're supposed to have it. And if you want to figure out your vision, you can. And so I just really want to be the permission for people to go out there and get it. Whatever you want, you can get it.

Kindra Morse (58:29)
That's so beautiful. Where can people find you? I know listeners are going to want to connect with you and I know you are meant to transform lives in a bigger capacity than just marriages, so where can people find you?

Stacey Reed (58:40)
People can find impactleadershipcommunity.com. Our website's always a work in progress because we like started building the plane as we fly it. Once again, there it is, right? StaceyCoach10 on Instagram, and then you can find Stacey Reed just about anywhere. I'm not actually the only one in Wyoming, but I'm the only one pretty much present in transformational work, so.

Kindra Morse (59:06)
You're amazing. I knew you would be amazing. I know you're connected to Anthony and I know that you guys are both. You changed my life. Anthony has changed my life and I know you're both going to change so many more people's lives. So I'm excited for your future. Thank you for spending the day with me.

Stacey Reed (59:21)
Thank you for having me. It's been an absolute pleasure.

Kindra Morse (59:25)
Awesome. We'll talk soon. Bye.